When the Click Happened: The Child, the Parent, and Me

During an online session, a client opened up about how difficult it had become to make decisions or move forward in her day. Not because she didn’t know what to do, but because of the voice that followed her every move:

“You should’ve been more careful.”

 “You never think things through.”

 “You always mess up.”

It was harsh, relentless, and loud.

She wasn’t used to saying, “It’s okay.”

Even small mistakes would spiral into self-blame. And when we slowed down, what we heard was the echo of a critical inner parent, trying to protect, but using fear instead of care.

We explored the idea that maybe this voice wasn’t the enemy; it was a part trying to help, just not in the right way.

Underneath it all, we found another part of her inner child, small, scared, and feeling unsupported.

To bring balance, we invited in the “inner adult.”

She wrote a letter from that adult part to the critical parent:

“I know you want to keep us safe. But the criticism isn’t helping, it’s scaring her.

Right now, she needs to hear: I’m here. Mistakes are okay. We’ll figure it out.”

The next week, she returned with a softness in her voice.

“I didn’t spiral this time. I still felt scared, but I could remind myself, 'we're okay.' And I believed it.”

This was her click.

The shift wasn’t about shutting the inner critic down but helping it speak with compassion, not control.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop yelling at ourselves and start listening instead.

What tone does your inner voice use, and what would it sound like if it came from care, not fear?