When the Click Happened: The Sixth Language of Love—To Be Seen

She entered the session with a heavy sigh and a self-deprecating smile. “I know my parents mean well. They tell me I should share more, not be so shallow or materialistic.” Then she paused, looking down. “They praise my sister-in-law all the time. She’s their perfect daughter. Sometimes I wonder... if I were more like her, maybe they’d love me like that.”

As we explored further, she added, “Honestly, I feel like Monica from Friends trying hard, doing everything, but still never the favorite.” Then, almost in a whisper: “If I could, I’d swap parents with my brother. At least then I’d know what it feels like to be seen.”

She recounted moments how her sister-in-law was welcomed as the daughter they never had, how her parents would say she needed to feel accepted. “But what about me?” she said, her voice cracking. “I’m already here. Why do I have to keep proving I deserve that same love?”

We slowed down. She told me how she tried to rationalise the hurt. “It’s okay. I can buy another dress.” But when I gently asked, “What would happen if you did?” She blinked. Then the truth poured out: “Nothing. Nothing would change. They still won’t see me. Or appreciate me. Or understand me.”

And there it was. 

The click.

It wasn’t about the dress. It was never about the dress. She didn’t want more things. She wanted to be seen.

Because sometimes, love isn’t only spoken in words or gifts or time. Sometimes, the sixth language of love is visibility— 

To be noticed without performing.

To be heard without shouting.

To be valued for just being who you are.

And that day, in therapy, she gave herself the one thing she’d been waiting for others to offer: Permission to matter.

Just as she is.

Who in your life needs to feel seen and how can you show them they already are?